Marriage - a gamble
Posted by Anantha | Posted in Concern , Life | Posted on Thursday, March 13, 2008
“They love each other yaar.. gharawale samajh te nahi hain na..”, My colleague said finishing his last sip of coffee. It was just another conversation during the coffee break. He had briefly told the (so called) love story of his cousin sister who lives in SA.
After attentively listening to the story, I asked, “so they r serious about marriage?”
“haan yaar…”, colleague replied in isn’t-that-obvious-tone.
Though my presets are quite idiosyncratic about marriage [love or arranged], I continued asking questions about them.
“how old is your cousin?”. He replied “19 ke aas pas hogi”.
Though I believe age n maturity don’t go hand in hand always, I snapped back with the question that was ready in my quiver, “you say she is 19 n guy is her classmate.. you say they know each other from past few months… You think they are matured enough to take such a decision?”
Colleague said, “I know her personally man. She is matured to take a call”, expressing slight unhappiness about me being skeptical about the maturity of his sister.
I continued, “I mean aisa nahi hona chahiye ki, dono ne apna apna phone bill baDhaya, thoDe saath saath ghoome aur pyar samajh baiThe..After all both are studying still”
Our conversation did not yield any fruitful results after that, neither my so called wise suggestion would have affected the lives of that to-be-couple. I seriously doubt any girl or boy of such tender age being wise enough to think of a right life partner for him/her.Forget about teenagers, here is a story of another colleague of mine who recently got engaged. These days he is quite elated about the way his courtship period is going and also happy for having got the official permission from his parents n to be in-laws to flirt with his fiancee.
Once I was quizzing him about his fiancee just out of curiosity.
“what are her hobbies man..? I mean what does she like/dislike?”
“she is not a movie buff… she says she reads a lot…”, he was answering to me patiently.
“I know the last time you touched any book was the day before your last semester BE exam”, I smiled only after making sure he took my comment lightly and smiled back.
After conversing for some time, I got into the mood of quizzing him again, “what do you feel is the common trait or common interests between both of you? That makes you feel both of you can face the challenges of life jointly”. I know that question was tricky to answer.
My friend thought for a while and answered, “both of us like eating fish…”!!!!!!!! I was stunned by his answer. Reassured my self that he was not saying jovially, he looked pretty serious about discovering a common trait between him n his fiancee.
I had asked him that question expecting him to say some qualities in both of them which will help them juggling their married life… and he says both of them like eating fish…!!!!!!!!
Mind you he is not of silly types to answer for my question in such a way, neither do I waste my energy in asking such a question to ny silly person I know.
It could even be like he said that just for the sake of answering to my question. But what if he really meant that…?!!!!!!!???! Quite shocking to hear such a confused answer from a man who will soon enter into a crucial phase of his life..
Magaa..
I've realized something dude.. that thoughts of marriage at such an early age is just about having a "bahana" for legally having sex!
Basically, marriage itself is the name given to a compromise that causes two people to get in touch with each other and depend on one another for time immemorial (till either of them die) assuming that the other one needs the first one as much as the first one needs the other one.
Marriage is nothing more than a compromise.. and as you've put it correctly, it is a Gamble! :)
Very nicely written anna!
Its really shocking that many people in the world today find marriage as a way to get "license" as susky says.
These days many parents are following this dangerous trend of gambling with their children's lives (especially girl child) just to shed their responsibility soon. Every day we end up reading one or the other story of betrayal, etc. I feel it is partly a resopnsibility of parents also to ensure their children stay happy
[to both Suksy n Shashi]:
I don think its rite to generalize that all teenagers follow this early marriage thing to obtain the license to have sex. But yes teens do get influenced by the rosy rosy romantic tales in movies/novels and jump into such conclusions.
The other point here is that even so called educated youngsters plunge into marriage without giving enuf thought about it Or not having a clear idea about how their to-be life partner should be. Some times it ll be the mistake from parents side too [as Shashi rightly pointed it out].
Its altogether a different question that how well they get to know each other before marriage, in the case of both arranged or love marriage. I included love marriage also here as it requires certain amount of intelligence to judge the to-be partner material and not just get carried away by the over rated emotion called love!!
Hence it boils down to the equation, marriage is a mere gamble.. deep sighh..
I this is the main reason for unsuccessful marriages... most of the people won't understand marriage is about companionship, not about s... and having children.
But Anantha, don't u think that the time u spend with ur parents is 1/3 of ur lifespan and the rest of ur life, u need to spend with ur partner? No wonder people are rushing into marriages & divorces...
@ shashia & @ sudhesh.. I did not mean that it will lead to sex or youngsters marry to have sex.. it is just a "bahana for legally" having sex.
If there was social understanding, or knowing about companionship, why would people even bother about divorces? People are thinking in an advanced sense today maccha, they don't want to compromise with anything coz they have more freedom.
U know, in India, more than 40% of all marriages are ending in divorces.. which is phenomenally high...
Parents are not to be blamed too coz they have a feeling that kids (girls) are a burden on them and they are too possessive about their sons that they don't want to share their son with anyone else. It's that simple...
[to Suksy]:
All I can say is, I get scared by the very word marriage..
" We love eating fish!"- this is hillarious. I had a hearty laugh while reading the blog n imaginig ur oink! expressions on ur face when ur fren mentioned that!
[To Shilpa]:
ukw, actually that couple is enjoying their married life, common interest being eating fish could be the secret of happy marriage ;))
To Anantha:
I will be getting married soon, so i also have such questions in my mind. But if i will be thinking of all such things always then there is no way i can be happy. So go for arrianged marriage only and then try to love your wife. Here any ways you have to compromise on some points but still u have lot of profits from you family, as they will always be there to support you and your decisions later as you have accepted the girl who they have brought. So happiness is not just one way, u have to compromise things to get it. It is two way process. Do't become selfish to get the happiness by one way!!!!
@Anonymous [I knw who you are ;)],
Well put.. but the statement '..try to love your wife' looks dangerous man :)
Yeah, marriages also come with its own share of compromises. You seem to have understood it and I wish you all the best.
I think you have misunderstood me. "Try" - some people will not use it but they will be doing it practically. Any ways if you have to achieve something then you have to try for it, without trying any thing you will not succeed. So don't take my "Try" in dangerous sense. It is a positive attitude towards things (Love) to be successful. This "Try" = "Compromise" what i was speaking about. So if you want to use Try or Compromise it is left to you!!!