This is what a bollywood blockbuster means to me

Posted by Anantha | Posted in | Posted on Monday, August 07, 2006

I have thought of a movie plot, Soon Ill be directing it. And this is how it goes...

Father: dynamic, charismatic and filthy rich [family business u know] chap in early 50s...

Mother: This character ought to use lot of glycerine.. and she is the one who says the heroines "Jaa beti... apni dil ki suno.. uska haath thamle beti".

Hero: He has to be more beautiful than handsome. Even if he is 40+ in real life, he will be just out of Cambridge/ Harward after finishing his MBA. They are the trend setters for metrosexual men in India. They usually wear green, pink or orange designer wear with some jewellery for men. This guy will be a loyal, adoring son of his parents. And he will remain so until he is cupid struck.

Heroine: Bright, cute an adorable gal who always dreams of some rajkumar to marry. No other goal in life. Even if u see her wearing little more than two-piece clothings, she is a pakka Hindustani Kudi by heart.

Hero's brother: This guy is charming, young, energetic, a bit flirtatious.. gets to outgo a bit. But still he is mama's dearest. Again he has to wear only green, pink and orange designer wear

Hero's brother's love: She can be heroine's younger sister. And this gal gets to wear less than her elder sister.

location: The whole movie commutes between NY and Punjab/Shimla/Kasauli.

sets: The house must not be a house but a Mahal. The characters usually use BMW to go to other rooms

Music: lots of pressure on music directors. It has to be catchy, trendy, contemporary, easily hummable, grand. Totally there has to be 6 songs.
1st song is the introduction of main characters kinda song. Wherein all the male charcters wear designer kurtas, females wear sarees worth of lakhs! Again this song should be playable during low times, in sad tune
There has to be a party number wherein the charismatic old father and his sons get to dance with tall white females.

There has to be a disco number: this is for hero's younger brother and his love. This song has to create a rage among youth, will be played in all discos and parties for next few months after its music release.

There has to be a family get together song - karva chouth or what ever and
2-3 duets...

background score: the title song should be played always.

comedians: They have to act like buffoons... always lip syncing for some old romantic songs. And we are supposed to laugh when they do this

special appearences: Its a must. Usually few faces who have failed miserably in their acting ventures previously. Now they have to be appraised as 'surprise packages of the movie' by critics

kids: There have to be atleast 4 of them. They too play an important role in the movie. They act as messengers b/n hero n heroine. They are there to lighten the moment the elders cry.

pre-marital sex: Becoming a common scene now a days. The notable thing here is heroine doesn't wake up crying in the morning after the mistake [I am not endorsing any pills here... ;-)]. She is a modern day woman u see... Now don ask me 'U said she is very Indian'... ya I said that in the beginning... her character EVOLVES (!) as the story progresses u know... Now don ask me 'u mean Indian women are not evolved..?' ... I am in loggerheads.. next question please...

dailogues: words like DIL, MOHABBAT, PYAAR, SANSKAAR, KHANDAAN, RIWAAZ, MARYAADA... galore here. But when teens talk, they talk in some Espiano-Frencho-Anglo mixed lingo.

Story: whats that...? We have cast the super stars of the indusrtry here. We have managed to get all 29 of them on 1 screen and u ask stupidly for story...?

Budget of the movie: 70+ crores. This amount follows an exponential equation as the years pass on. No connection with underworld u see, its all 'pure white money of D'

Expected movie rating: 7 out of 5 !

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