Whims published... It's not an expert's opinion, It's not an online diary, It's not a web journal... It is just my whims published

I rarely experience such an inspiring day on a weekend. Sat started as lazy as any other day on weekends. Was tracking the score on and off between my unavoidable weekend wrk in and out of the home. India had heaped a target of 413 for Aussies to chase in the 3^rd test of the four match series. Though I was not very confident of our victory in this test, but had great hopes over the result of the test match.

Had to go out when Aussies had lost 7 wickets. Then came back to home to see they had lost another wicket in the form of Michael Clarke. Mitchell Johnson and Stuart Clarke were at the crease. I felt the victory is just few steps away.

Again I had to go out to get some things home. It took a bit longer than I expected to return home. Was surprised to see Johnson and Clarke still batting at the crease playing gritty shots. Aussies needed only 80+ runs to win. Though it was not easy for them to achieve this with tail enders, but was surely enough for Indians to press the panic button. Then I sat glued to the seat till RP Singh bowled out Shaun Tait and India snapped the 16 match winning spree of Aussies. The test win was of course special after the turmoil of Sydney test.

I felt good.. I felt elated…

After finishing the lunch, was surfing the tv channels. There was this 3^rd round match happening between Federer and Janko Tipsarevic [49^th seed it seems, I had not seen this guy playing]. Though im an ardent fan of Federer and an avid follower of glandslams, I never manage to remember any program schedule on TV. I was shocked to see the set tally. By then both the players had won 2 sets each and were fighting for the final set. The moment I saw this Tipsarevic guy playing, I could make out why the match was pushed to the 5^th set. He was playing extremely well.

Neither of dem broke the opponent’s serve until the game tally was 8-8 in the tie-breaker. Till den Federer was finishing the game with impeccable aces, and Tipsarevic winning games of his serve with precise mix of baseline and drop shots. I fell flat for most of his well placed drop shots.

A thought crossed my mind that Federer might lose; I could be watching a historic match. Ohh no. I dint want Federer to lose. As always Federer was keeping calm, only once punching his fist in air and showing his temper on face. I don know how some geniuses like him keep cool even at the crunch time. May be that’s wat holds them apart.

At last the Swiss craftsman broke Tipsarevic’s serve in a valiant manner. Fedex was lagging with 0 and 40 in that game. But he fought back with that ‘extra thing’ in him which sets him apart from other champions. Its in these crunch situations, Federer makes tennis lovers feel why is he so great? The game tally now was 9-8, Federer holding the serve. Now the tension in the sir was cleared, every fan of Federer now knew that he has won it. The craftsman finished the match and entered 4^th round of Aus open 08. I also wanna appreciate Tipsarevic for his amazing play that tested the nerve of Swiss genius.

So thus was SAT for me. Watched two great sports events live.

I felt good.. I felt elated…I got inspired…

I have mentioned about my frequent visits to Sankey Lake in one of my previous posts. I prefer going there alone in the evenings. Walk through some distance to find a stone bench and stare at the still water contained by the stone walls of the lake.

Then some retrospection blah blah goes on in mind for some time. When I am tired of talking to myself, I look around for people walking swiftly; jogging with aching heals, drenched in sweat, some walking in weird ways, some clapping their hands [some clap therapy or some thing]. It amuses me to observe people in their candid emotions, in their true selves. The other day in Sankey, I did no different thing; started observing the people around...

Some females had chosen the path along the lake just for the sake of breathing some fresh air on their way back to home.

Two young professionals seemed like they were not content settling the score with their boss in a battle in office. Both looked relieved in giving gaalis to maa and behen of their boss.

Once I heard one of the gal say this to another, “I cut the call, he was talking al nonsense y’day..”. The other gal dint speak nything, but just smiled. Though the first gal said she disconnected the phone, but her face was lit up when she was saying it. May be she was expecting that poor guy’s call with a sweet apology embedded in it.

There was this old couple walking briskly. The old chap leading by two steps and his wife trying hard catching up with his speed. The couple seemed like attacking the enemies called blood pressure and cardiac problems with every step of their brisk walk.

A voluptuous lady walked past elegantly, wearing a pleasant colored chuDi gripping the curves of her body. I could hear the faint sound of her foot tap produced by her newly bought pair of Nikes.

A happy young couple was carefully following their toddler running ahead of them. Both were restraining the kid from running close to the short fence of the lake.

A BF-GF pair were walking, savoring every step of their walk. Girl had gripped around the elbow of the guy softly, with her head slightly bent towards his shoulders.

Two guys in early thirties had occupied a stone bench next to mine, playing music in their phones. The volume of the music was just right enough to be heard only by them. Sensible guys! Sensible for not playing the music loud and harming the ambience of the park.

The water in Sankey looked as calm as always, reflecting the images of the people passing by. The water seemed mysteriously deep hiding all the secrets within but remaining calm on the surface....

FRI our team had been to Eagleton resort for the purpose of team building. I sat through bearing the torture of the day long presentations by our manager, pretending to be attentive and half heartedly participating in team building exercises. I have developed kinda indifference towards these team building activities blah blah.

The resort was good, serene and away from city headaches, had good food. While having lunch there, one of my colleagues mentioned about the tariff for family package per day there in resort. Thought came to my mind about taking amma, aanu along with paNNus family there to the resort some day. I would have done all this if aanu was well. I even had thoughts of taking aanu and amma to all the famous temples in and around Shimoga, Udupi etc etc. We also have many relatives there. But when the trip plan was still in air, all this happened. Now im still optimistic about taking them on temple darshans once aanu gets well.

Returned home, got involved in day to day routine. Me and Dinesh* uncle carried aanu to the hall to watch TV. We make aanu sit and watch TV for some hours in the evenings, otherwise it would be boring for him to sleep in the room and stare at the ceiling all day long. While aanu was sitting and watching TV, I went to akka's room to see Adithya. He was as usual making funny faces, pretending to cry, then playing, beating his hands against his own face and bed gently. I took few videos of him catching all his little sweet nothings. paNNu asked was aanu sitting out in hall watching TV? I nodded. She paused for a moment and said "why all this pain for us man..", sighed and continued "this shudnt have happened to aanu". I nodded again. I told her the thought that had came to mind about taking aanu and amma on temple darshans. As she also knew about my plan dat was in air and which was blown away by wind of fate, she said "yes man. Its not the age to suffer.. in this age, taking amma and aanu for such trips would have been ideal....". She paused indefinitely.

I came to my room to upload the videos of Aadithya to my PC from my cell. After uploading I happened to see all old pics in my PC. family get together pics, paNNu's marriage pics etc. In all of those pics aanu was seen, posing for the camera with full enthu. Felt a pinch in the heart seeing it. By the time I did all this, amma had fed dinner to aanu. Me and Dinesh uncle decided to take aanu back to room from hall. This time instead of we two carrying him to the room, we decided to make him walk till room [of course with mine and Dinesh uncle's support]. I donno what was wrong, may be aanu was not in mood to walk or something. He did not respond with his actions when we made him stand from the chair. He just let the paralysis affected left leg kinda hung in air. Neither holding it straight nor putting his body weight on it. Both me and uncle told him to straighten his leg. But he did not respond. I was kinda emotionally stirred after having dat talk with paNNu and seeing aanu's pics n all dat. It took me no moment to lose my temper. I raised my voice and told aanu,

"Come on aanu, u have to make an effort. If you show no interest in pyhsiotherapic exercises like this, You will never be able to walk!!!!!!!". Ohh God, I felt I shudnt have said the last thing. It was kinda very harsh for aanu. Dinesh uncle felt the severity of my words. He said the same to aanu in a gentle way in an effort to nullify my harsh words, "please Bhaavaji co-opearte. Make an effort to walk...". Aanu did not react to my ranting. May be he took the +ve side my anger or may be he would have not expressed his emotions. Then me and Dinesh uncle carried aanu back to the room, as he did not show interest to walk then.

We made aanu lie on his bed. I went to hall to keep aside the chair that we had carried aanu in. I could not bear the weight of the guilt of raising my voice against aanu. Came back to the room and said, "I am really really sorry aanu.... I shudnt have said it... Umm.. i dint mean it". I bent down to reach my lips on his left cheek. Gave a peck on his cheek. I repeated, "I am sorry.." and gave a peck on his right cheek also. I often kiss my parents considering this act as, as important as falling on their feet for seeking blessings. Its just a nice affectionate thing to do. But I had never kissed aanu seeking apology from him like this before.

aanu just smiled. He is always like that. There were many instances of interpreting his smile to be 'we are excused' by both me and paNNu in past. I did the same this time also.

I felt light after that moment.

Ya I was rude.. was harsh.. shudnt have said that thing to aanu. Understood its always easy to lose patience in such moments.. it needs courage to say sorry.. It feels as if the tonnes of guilt had been disembarked from heart after saying sorry....

*Dinesh uncle is my amma's bro. He has been staying with us and looking after aanu when Im not in house from the day aanu has fallen ill. He is an angel.. These kinda persons around make me feel God indeed exist. I will fall short of words to tell more about him

Woke up a bit early on SUN morning to get milk home from the nearby shop. Though had a good sleep last night, mind was cluttered with millions of thoughts.. happens some times. Freshened up. But dat dint help much. Walked out of the house carrying kettle in hand. Just a thought occurred to mind to sleep for few more hours after getting milk home. But decided not to waste a rarely earned Sunday morning. On the way back from milk shop, found quite a lot of people chanting in Sai Mandir. I just wondered what motivates these people to wake up so early on a Sun morning, freshen up and come to temple for prayer. Oh ya.. had forgotten, 'today is Vijayadashami'. Cos of the turbulence in house, any festival has lost the significance and the attention any festival deserves. It will be just another day.. and Vijayadashami was no different.

Got back home. Handed over the kettle of milk to amma and rode on my bicycle towards Sanky lake. Cycling is a good stress buster.. a long ride helps when mind is chaotic. Saw a happy couple wid their kid on its mom's lap in a car in one of the traffic signals. Felt nice to see that family.. must be a happy family on a drive enjoying the blabbering of their kid. Reached Sanky lake, parked bicycle and walked into the park. Walked amidst the brisk walking people, making a point dat I make way for people who wanted to overtake me.

From the opposite side an ex-neighbor of mine came jogging towards me. Just wanted to avoid him, but was forced to smile and say 'Hi' to him. After usual 'hows life', 'im fine', 'its been a long time since we met' talks, He said he joined his current company just 4 months back, after passing out fresh from the college. He uttered usual 'traffic is bad', 'distance is the only headache', other project humdrums etc etc. I expressed my solidarity with appropriately timed 'oh ya..', 'ya ur rite..'. Then greeted him 'bye' and walked ahead.

Sought for a stone bench facing the lake. Occupied the bench properly sprawling my limbs, did not wanted to share the bench with any stranger and indulge in unnecessary conversation with dem. I wanted to sit calmly. Then what came to my mind were train of thoughts..

Saw few gals walking, trying to shed those extra grams earned last week over the junk food. I wondered how these females get so much of time in life right from choosing those matching sweat shirts for track trousers to the hair band matching the color of their socks. Rather I admire their patience and the effort involved in dressing up. I admire any person who dresses up well, who has the sense to choose the right colored clothes for themselves. And wear them perfectly for the right occasions.

When I had newly joined as a fresher to my present company, was getting to see some of these senior team mates with loser-looks! With absolutely no dressing sense in those faded T-shirts and worn out jeans. Rarely smiling… with expressions as if the weight of the whole world is on their shoulders. But I feel petrified when I see a similar person as reflection, when I stand in front of the mirror now. Vairagya, what those guys had attained at the age of their early 30s, I seem to have attained it 5-6 yrs early in my life I feel.

Pst.. Pst.. I was getting succumbed to the chaos of mind. I tried to concentrate.. concentrate on what? I donno..

Started looking at the sweeper who was on rounds to clean the whole of park. I wondered what motivates him to get up early in the morning and come to work... to heap aside the litter.

An old couple passed off my bench walking with a pace dat could be called brisk for their age. I think the couple must have spent at least 30-35 yrs of togetherness. It must have been a good journey..

Taking off my eyes from the joggers around, I tried to concentrate.. concentrate on nothing. It was just an effort to bring the chaos in mind to rest and get back to the state of equilibrium.

Suddenly a thought about one of my team mates came to me. He always looks content bearing a pleasing smile all the time. He exudes this feeling all around which gives me complex every time I look into his eyes. I always feel his parents must be healthy. He must be having a loving beautiful wife [she must be good in bed]. But no one is spared with problems in life. May be he is just good in managing himself.. and his emotions well. Wat ever he is certainly better than me. He seems to have good control over the things around him.

Again I tried to concentrate.. concentrate on what.. I donno

Looked to my left. The empty stone bench to my left was now occupied by a 20 some thing guy.. He turned to me.. our eyes met. Oh holy shit! I could not meet his eyes even for a fraction of a second.. I saw a similar doomed expression in his eyes, the expression dat I see in my eyes when I stand in front of the mirror. Then I felt he must also be an unhappy soul.. unhappy for what? I donno..

Brushing all the thoughts aside, I again tried to concentrate... concentrate on nothing.

Few minutes later looked at the wristwatch. It was 10 minutes to 8. Felt its time to leave. Pulled my legs towards the gate. Started riding back home. Saw a guy holding the container of violin in an auto rickshaw. I just felt music indeed must be divine.. He must be feeling close to God when he plays violin. I just gave a thought whether I feel close to God when I sit and code in front of my comp... nyaaaa....no way..

Way back, had an apple juice in Adiga's. Reached home and started with the day's schedule.....

Guys,
She is ready to ditch Nadal for me. I just hav to convince my mom thats all...
Will she become my mom's daughter-in-law...?
Pray for me..

Was watching a Spanish movie called 'Obaba' in Zee English. Here is a conversation from the movie that touched me.

The scene -
A young teacher comes to a toddler's house for home tuitions. The boy keeps looking out of the window when teacher was teaching. Teacher asks him the cause of his worry.

boy: what should I do...? My best friends are not replying to my letters...
teacher: wait...

boy: wait until..?
teacher: until you forget them...!!!

Yes I have to log this moment, before the thoughts n the emotions I am undergoing dilute; dilute in the gush of other ordinary moments of my life.
Yesterday after coming home from the office, went to Chandravathi pachchi's house with a parcel of curry that amma had packed for pacchi. Just started chatting with pachchi n Sowmya on the recent happenings, funny things of wrk place and other routines. Its always a nice feeling to share these news with sisters.. especially, sister like Sowmya. Then Sowmya said, she was awarded the 'BEST EMPLOYEE of HP' for 8th/9th time. Can you believe this guys, you may not but I'll surely believe without a second thought, becoz I know how she slogs, how she comes fwd to take the responbility, how comitted she is for her vows.
She sat next to me n started explaining how her manager broke the suspense out of sealed envelope n announced her name. When she was narrating that, I could observe a flash in her eyes, the joy of the achievement, the addictive taste of elusive victory. yes she had surely tasted the success..
I listened to her carefully n congratulated her wishing her all the success in her future ventures from the bottom of my heart. Ya I know these kinda of joys, just multiply, linger around and crystallize as the finest moments of our lives when we SHARE OUR SUCCESS STORIES WITH OTHERS; provided listeners LISTEN IT FROM HEART than mere ears and appreciate us whole heartedly.
Came home, still thinking of her, couldn't restrain myself from msging her 'Hey sister, congrats once again on winning the award, good night'. I usually call her by name, but the occasion was special, so was my addressing of her. She must be more than happy to see the msg, she replied back'Thanks dear brother... I am too happy today...did u have dinner? Tell mhave that curry was good... Shilpa is fighting with mom on food and crying now...' :-) :-) [I'll tell you abt Shilpa some other day, she is another sweet sister of mine. Oooff I am so lucky, i have so many nice n sweet sisters.
I quickly saved her message and registered these moments in the my ROM of heart......
MORAL : Dont hesitate to congratulate others, by congratulating them u create a warmth in their hearts... Learn to enjoy the success of others with them... no egos... no self esteem... JUST THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..